dont i deserve a little more than that? some sort of explanation, some sort of reason why over the course of something i did not do, somehow I still get messed up you being able to say that your friends are getting"punished" as I am.
aaron youre going to reason around all of my arguments till it makes sense in the way you need it to ive explained to you how i feel several times and no matter how i say it you dont believe me or think im twisting things so im very tired of trying to find the right way to tell you that we are no longer a functional pair, dating or just friends
over the internet though.. you cant give me more than that ?
i have and no im not going to anymore. i know that might not be fair but ive made up my mind. us talking in person will do nothing for this situation
why are you being so God damn heartless? I dont want you back . I couldnt. You're something else now. but I still want you to have the morality to be able to prove your point some how you cant just go around saying and thinking outlandish things without someone questioning what you mean and where's your proof
yes aaron and you have questioned me time and time again so dont worry my 'outlandish' statements are being checked
just remember that it wasnt "working" because you would never take responsibility... it wasnt any different than us dating because you made it that way. the night when the boys came over you really wanted to come over, i never dragged you to. and you didnt, everything was good. we were friends and for once, we didnt spend the entire weekend together and things were looking better. butttt then you some how forget all these things about how maybe I was trying to be just a "friend" or whatever to make it easier. But, you didnt want to see any of that or change any part of your life.
sure, i hope that knowing i fucked up our whole relationship makes you feel better
Noo no, I never said that. Im saying that you'll look at what i did and give me whatever value of me fucking up.. but then you'll look at anything you did and not account for any of it. and you have no one to actually show you that maybe you and I wasnt so bad IF you actually made some real changes to your life and didnt break your own rules
what you dont seem to understand is that im not attacking what you have or havent done im telling you that everything we both have or havent done have culminated in this and yea a lot of it was my fault
What about me makes me so expendable when "life is good" finally. I was there for you to make your life good but get no recognition for any sort of benefit I may have been to you. And then when your life is good and something bad comes about, im looked at as the first and only reason as to why it is bad. Think if we never talked and never had this summer, would you be as happy and confident and comfortable with yourself as you are with me?
but its like i said before, i think its reasonable to say that maybe i cant handle both a relationship and a functional fourth year of university yes, aaron you were amazing support this summer, but any changes i made were within myself, as you have been first row to see with or without you i had to deal with getting over luke on my own time and likewise with the other problems i had
but why am i the first thing to get axed? not any of your friends? Not a friend who punched someone you're supposedly cared for. Why am I the one getting fucked over then?
because my friends do not create the drama and disfunction in my life that our relationship does.
But thats just it, you think of me as only some sort of support. Like wearing a brace until your leg heals up i can just be tossed to the side. i dont agree... ever since we "stopped dating" i would say that the drama that kaitlyn caused on thursday night is 23809537589q7325897 more than I have done seriously? that wasnt drama to you? that was completely justifiable and beneficial to your friendship well, it must be because now you two will be stronger than ever and I, the one who did NOTHING wrong that night gets left with nothing
christ stop being such a victim aaron. what happened on thursday actually very much affected my relationship with kaitlyn believe it or not (im guessing you wont) and you didnt cause the drama on thursday and it wasnt your fault and i dont hold you responsible
I was a great support for you in the summer. I havent heard just a cold-hearted line from you, ever i think. I really thought I, and we were more than just emotional support for one another. If that's what you wanted you should have just stayed at home and cried to your dogs or bought a blanket. I offered so much more than that and made you feel better than you've ever felt.
how many times did i cry to you this summer? once? twice? you were support but it was always more than that. i didnt need your support, i wanted your love and company, thats why we were together. dont go acting like this never meant anything to me. thats fucking ridiculous and deep down you know it
i wanted your love and company. fuck off that sounds more and more like a dog. it must not mean that much because you consistently try to justify that you've wanted it to work any way it could but it just hasnt. LIE. if you wanted it to work you would have actually made a conscious effort to change anything. or come to me and straight up talk to me about it before letting something get to you until you cant handle it anymore how am i supposed to ever believe that you loved me anywhere near as much as I as when I fought for this relationship on things that should break us up, and you wouldnt fight for anything after the smallest disagreements or you use those small disagreements as some sort of jump off point to '"upocoming fights". I really wished you had the respect for me to actually say this in person. Do you just drop me whenever you want because you know just how right we are for each other so you just bank us getting back together when things are right? Apparently 10 years from now.... So what now? Glare at you if I see you downtown?
whatever you want aaron. i dont have any thoughts of a future for us any more.
when did that come to you?
when i realized that we are very ill suited for each other in too many ways to create a solid long term relationship
see, how ill-suited are we? sure, maybe in university but you wait, how many people will you find that you get along with as much as me?
i dont know but its not worth all the bad aaron, im sorry. and dont think that this doesnt hurt me too, because i know how special we are, but our bad times are worse than any bad ive had with anyone who ive been in a serious relationship with and i dont just mean dating, i mean friends too
you said that you dont think its worth all the bad? whats all this bad? if we take out school stress and everything related to being in uni, whats left?
its the little arguments, the snide remarks, the tone you take with me sometimes, the way we argue, how defensive i am and aggressive you are. we dont work well enough together to make this a successful relationship
why am i the fuckin anti-christ right now? no credit given, only owed it seems
RIDICULOUS. im not telling you that everything is your fault. you need to stop thinking that when i say, our relationship is dysfunctional, it translates to, you ruined anything we ever had and you are evil.
what are you hoping to get out of this? im not going to agree with you and youre not going to see where im coming from and in the end we're still not going to be together
No no, Im just not following any logic of yours. i need you to break it down for me. More bad than good? HAHAHA laughable.
great as long as youre laughing. i need to go now. there is nothing left for me to say to you
As you can see our fights are pretty venomous. There was one more message that he sent me after I deleted him off facebook. He asked to talk in person for closure, I told him only if he had some very concise things to say to me, not ask, because I didnt want to have to keep trying to explain things to him anymore. he never sent a message back and that was the last time we talked. I’m sad because he was important to me and as with every break up there are always times where I wish I could see him or lay in bed with him or tell him a funny story that happened to me, but such is life. I’ve been trying to focus on school and get back to the gym. That’s been working out for me pretty well. For all and any of you that are students I’m sure that you understand when I say group projects are the worst thing ever. My friend sent me a funny picture about them that I will share with you.
Went out last night and met maybe the cutest boy ever. Adam the dj. sexysexysexy. He’s all soft spoken and funny. My fav. When I met him I was told that he was hooking up with one of Kaitlyn’s friends so I tried to keep my distance, but later in the night was informed that they are no longer a thing. Unfortunately Adam had left by then, so I will have to wait until next time.
This week I ran into Luke at the library. It was the strangest thing, I had this feeling that he was walking behind me and I turned to look and it wasn’t him. I couldn’t help feeling like I was going to see him though, and next thing I know we’re standing face to face staring at each other. He didn’t have the balls to say anything to me and I didn’t know what to do with myself. I’ve thought about it quite a bit since and have decided that if and when I see him again I just want to be the bigger person and tell him we’re cool. I hate the awkwardness, it lingers negatively longer than just sucking it up and smiling would have. Anyways, that’s all for now folks.
Today's title brought to you by: Rivers and Roads - The Head and the Heart (lovelovelove this band! just discovered them)
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