Won't see it comin' when it happens, but when it happens your gonna feel it, let me tell you now, When love comes and knocks you down

So.

Things have changed pretty fucking fast. Luke's coming home in 8 days. 8 dayyyyyssss. God. I can't wrap my head around it. I've been thinking about August all year and now it's actually happening. I don't even know if he'll bother trying to talk to me. He has surgery like 5 days after he gets back so I'm guessing I am not a priority for his busy, busy life. I don't even know if I want him to anymore. I just wish he were never coming back, then I could have dealt with just getting over him instead of having to deal with losing him, getting over him, and then figuring out how to be when he's back in my life. Why is love so fucking complicated?

Things with Aaron have gone from fun to serious real fast. I'm crazy about him. I know he has been about me for the past two years pretty much... but things have been so good. He adores me and I do love to be adored (doesn't everyone?). He's so good to me, sweet and considerate.... and a-fucking-mazzzzzing in bed. Never hurts, right?
I've been getting a lot of shit from my friends about it. The ones who know anyway. We had a lot of issues when things were bad, and when he's angry he gets kinda crazy... not in the, 'oh shit I need to call women's helpline' or anything like that. Just...very emotional and meannnn. He's hit me with such low blows before. One of my favorites came up one time when I was being a tool and using the 'headache' excuse type thing after I had been practically on top of him the whole time we were out at the bars. He was not impressed, and that brought out his ugly, evil side who said coldly, "Don't think you can just come on to me now, you're not worth it anymore."
Ouch.
This is what I refused to put up with when we were just fucking around. I'm not taking emotional abuse for nothing. I know I probably shouldn't have to take it at all, but its gotten to the point that it's worth it? I know that sounds fucked up but hopefully someone out there knows what I mean. 99% of the time he treats me like a princess. He only hurts me when I've hurt him.

I have no idea how long it will last or if I'll be able to hold out against the pressure of my friends, but that's pretty much where I stand now. Wish me luck....


Today's title brought to you by: Knock You Down - Keri Hilson ft. Kanye West